In a recent blog post (on a progressive mommy blog!) I read a piece meant to reassure moms who work outside the home. It's central message went something like this, "You are teaching your girls that they can be equal to men and boys, and you're teaching your boys that girls and women are their equals." I'm as feminist as they come, and I certainly understand the heart of this argument. I never want working moms to feel a moment of guilt either. They are superheros, helping to support their families and hopefully fulfilling their own vocational dreams at the same time. But what I see as problematic is the statement that working outside of the home helps their children to see them as equal to men. Inherent in this reasoning is the idea that a traditional nine-to-five, working outside the home job, is the standard-bearer of what success and achievement look like. Have you ever heard anyone suggest that men who stay at home with the children are teaching children that men can be equal to women? I haven't. In fact, most men who serve in the role of stay-at-home parent often find themselves fielding unsolicited parenting advice from people on the street, shut out of group play dates, and victims of the ridiculous assumption that they can't find "real" work, or that they're less "manly."
Let's just listen to what we're really saying here. We are saying that shaping, nurturing, guiding, and managing the lives of children is of less value then other work out in the world. This belief translates into very low pay for nannies, childcare workers, and preschool teachers--those people who are there on the front lines of those first five years of a child's life; the years which study after study confirms are the most crucial years for social, emotional, and cognitive development. Most nannies only make about $35,000 a year, which would never be enough in most States for them to support a family on only that income. Most preschool teachers don't make much more than that, and childcare workers often make barely above minimum wage. We have put our money where our beliefs are. So instead of devaluing people who do the work of raising and nurturing children, why don't we change the narrative, and teach our children that ALL work is valuable. Why don't we celebrate those who successfully teach little humans how to be adults who think of others, who know how to critically think, who know how to put themselves in other people shoes, who know how to cook and manage other life skills, and who understand the inherent value of every human being.
This kind of work isn't what people do when they can't do other work. We don't become equal to men when we stop doing this kind of work. It is, in itself, an admirable and successful achievement. If we change the narrative that implies that childcare is less valuable, less prestigious work, then maybe we would create policies that reward the value of ALL work. Then maybe our children would see that it's worth our time, money, and admiration to value the care and guiding of humans, and that men or women can successfully do that. Then maybe we would have more leaders who value the care of every human being, and who create a culture that translates that value into deserved pay, humane and egalitarian policies, and individual beliefs that don't force either working parents to feel guilty, or stay-at-home parents to be devalued, or considered not equally as admirable or successful as those who work outside the home. We do not need to try to place in an achievement competition. True feminism should create and support equal pay, equal opportunity, and equal respect for ALL women and ALL men, in whatever vocation they feel called to pursue.
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