Dear Parents of Littles

Parents of littles, when someone tells you that, once they're older, they won't need you as much anymore, don't listen. Don't believe them. It's true you won't need to spoon-feed them, change their diaper, or keep them from eating or playing with things that are dangerous (well, you will, in a way). But they will need you to feed them with your presence, to change your schedule, change your mind, and to keep them from consuming and internalizing the judgments of others. They won't need you to sort their laundry (ok, so they probably will, unless you're ok with day 2 of the same underwear. Which, at least once, you will be). But they will need you to help them sort their feelings about themselves, about their friends, and about the swirl of changes they experience. They won't need you to hold their hand while they walk across the street, but they will need you to hold on to them when they're raging mad at you, or at the world. They will need you to walk them through hard things, promising that nothing they say, do, or are could EVER change your love for them. They may not need you to give them a time-out, but they will count on you to create boundaries and limits that teach them to tune in to the right things. They may not need you solve their math problems, but they will depend on you to multiply your patience, when they have to argue; when they believe differently than you about some things; when they embrace things you're uncomfortable with. Some people will say they don't need you around as much when they're older, but they do. Just because they can cook their own food, and handle things on their own, doesn't mean they want to. A plate of homemade cookies and and some downtime next to them on the couch can be exactly the sanctuary they need to let everything else melt away. So don't believe them. Don't believe yourself when you hear that voice say, "they don't need me." They do. They always will. But it's not easy. Parenting little people into big ones means we can't control them. It means we have to keep learning how to become what they need. There are as many ways to do it as there are people. But we owe it to them to always show up. To never stop trying. To never stop calling, and to never stop learning who they are. When they tell you, through their words or through their actions, listen. Listen to them. Show up for them. Believe me, they always need you.